Sunday, September 24, 2006

kinky football


while watching the musical vignette entrance theme for nbc's sunday night football, featuring musical artist pink, skippy and i share a lesson in pop culture.

skippy: who's that? i think i recognize her.

jeff: that's pink.

skippy: yeah, kink. i know her. do we have her cd?

jeff: check the videos for kink. if you're looking for pink, julie might have her cd.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

quote of the day


angi says:

"the world of bacon is fast moving AND exciting, jeff. they should have a newsletter so we can easily keep abreast of all bacon developments."

- this, in reference to the turkey bacon and chicken bacon phenomena.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

not so labour-intensive labour day

some might think i'm being a tad tardy with a post detailing a recap of my labour day activities. for those who criticize, i will say that i chose to recap my labour day weekend rather than write about my canada day festivities. now that's a little out of season. so on to the story...

my new girlfriend melissa and i had planned a weekend alone together some time now. it is a little difficult to see much of each other due her residing in the newfangled suburbia that is orleans, and me shacking up in the dreadful town of cornwall. however, with the long weekend upon us, we made a point of taking advantage of it. [on a side note: can anyone explain the relevance of labour day? are we celebrating a break from labour?]

friday was spent in pajamas. after a shopping spree of m&m's meats, and fine pastries from the dutch store on merivale, we spent the rest of the evening relaxed in our comfies on the couch, watching movies. considering the work load we had put in that week at our respective jobs, it seemed to be the most fitting way to celebrate the end of the work week.

saturday morning came quickly and we were up for adventure. still in our comfies, we picked up a copy of xpress and headed to bridgehead. we made friendly with the quasi-gay cashier who hooked us up with more than the requried stamps for our bridgehead coffee card. free comes early when you're friendly - and when the gay cashier is infatuated with my newly purchased h&m jacket i was wearing. melissa claims he was hitting on me, and let me tell you what i think about that .... i'm fine with it. i'll do what i have to do for free brew.

after coffee we hit up the brown loaf bakery on elgin st. for some freshly made breakfast breaderies and pastries. i decided another coffee was in order so we scooted back to bridgehead, winked at sir sexy pinky, and off we went.

breakfast of scrambled egg-omelettes and chicken bacon (which, as it turns out, is cheaper than turkey bacon!) was followed by a quick shower. we were on the road to glory by 10:30am.

and where does glory lead to, you ask? the hershey chocolate factory in smiths falls, of course! though the production facility was inoperative that day (they only make chocolate on a 9-5 sked), we took a quick tour of the joint anyway. not as exciting as you might think - the tour - the real highlight is the gift shop! at the pull of a lever, an outpour of chocolate streams through the funnels of chocohappiness and into a plastic bag. all for an incredibly low price. melissa and i came away with 5 bags full of chocolate, totalling a mere $45. we thought we might have gone a bit overboard but the cashier assured us that earlier that week a family of 3 had spent an incredible $289 on chocolate. rumour has it the average weight of a typical canadian family doubled that day.

next stop was the lift locks of smiths falls. we spent a significant amount of time walking along the rideau river (yes, in smiths falls) and along the locks. to our luck, a boat appeared ready to be lowered through the lift lock (or sink lock) just as we walked up. let it be known that the locks at smiths falls are the biggest of any on the rideau river at a breathtaking 26 feet. it's quite the spectacle to see an engineering feat as this live.

with no schedule in mind, melissa and i decided to check out the quante town of merrickville on a recommendation from skippy. merrickville has recently been dubbed "canada's most beautiful village", and though i have little to compare it to, i would not argue with it's title. the town is a unique victorian-style village with plenty of "delightful restaurants and shops" [quoting the website here]. we were surprised to find one particular 2-storey shop dedicated entirely to christmas. in fact, this store operates year-round with only christmas merchandise. it was a tad overwhelming for melissa and i, but the tourists seemed to enjoy it. it was incredibly busy in there.

we took the scenic route back to ottawa, through manotick and awed over some of the luxurious houses there. we rented coffee & cigarettes from blockbuster and got 3/4 through the movie before nodding off around midnight.

on monday melissa came down to cornwall to visit the folks. we've been dating for little over a month now, so it seemed to be an appropriate time for her to meet skippy and mom. skippy didn't dissapoint either, goofing around and only living up to the expected crazyness that is his reputation. after dinner, we headed back to ottawa for a nightcap.

Monday, September 11, 2006

save me jesus













i came across a website today that was selling bandages. this website offered three types of bandages: funky coloured ones, scooby doo aids, and jesus bandages. who is the brave sonofabitch to come up with the idea of marketing the poster child of catholicism in a package of bandaids? and what about jesus action figures? or "jesus is my homeboy" t-shirts? hell, i've even seen belt buckles with various inscriptions of the ten commandments on them. believe it or not, jesus christ is a pop icon.

a simple google search of jesus toys brings up countless results of jesus paraphernalia. these include jesus dashboard companions; bobble heads, action figures, air fresheners, and patches. in a twisted, sarcastic way, jesus is cool.

one really has to wonder what the church has to say about all this. i would have thought they'd be outraged that god's only begotten son has suffered from trademark infringement. on the contrary, however; most religious groups seem content with the latest jesus revival. in a post-post-modern western world of youth showing off their favourite logos, the face of his holiness plastered on t-shirts and ball hats is almost slightly refreshing. after all, the church needs all the help they can get in rebuilding their image these days. and what's more fitting than having their poster boy grace the cups of starbucks coffee?

Friday, September 01, 2006

cleaning out my closet


no, this isn't going to be a crying rant ala eminem in which i bash my mother and ex-wife in a choppy rap over screaming tears. today, i literally cleaned out my closet. how about that? since moving back to cornwall for the summer, i found myself continually living out of my suitcase and laundry basket. i suppose i was somewhat in denial that i was even living here for an extended period of time, let alone the thought of establishing permanent destinations for my clothing seemed a waste of time.

and now, even though my return to ottawa is coming closer, i became frustrated with tripping over laundry baskets and belts lying haphazard on the floor. so i finally broke down and started organizing. for this i had to clean out my bedroom closet and rid myself of my old high school notebooks, ex-girlfriends' memorabilia, and toys that sadly i am too mature (and i use that term loosely) to play with anymore. the final tally includes: 2 garbage bags of unneeded clothes for the local agape center, 2 garbage bags of useless (but a-minus average) high school assignments and countless rubbish. and best of all, i won't be face planting into the door as i stumble towards my morning coffee.