christmas procastination

and off i go to the mall. christmas shopping begins today and the guilt of waiting to the last minute yet again is eating me up inside. at least i've purchased juls' gifts already, so it only leaves me with my sister julie, mom and skip. that doesn't seem like much, does it? i guess we'll see when screaming toddlers and grumpy old men are breathing hot air down my neck as i flip through the lindsay lohan cd catalogue.

radio killed the MuchMusic star

finally. alt rock radio returns to ottawa. it's about time.

the other day, frustrated, i seeked through the endless deadwood that is ottawa radio only to discover something fresh. the tuner stopped short at 88.5 fm. what's this? someone's playing death cab for cutie? hmm, interesting. next song. oh wow, alexisonfire, and pearl jam's corduroy, and arcade fire? did i stumble upon some euphoric musical dimension? well, sorta. it's ottawa's newest radio station - live 88.5!

since the demise of ottawa's last alt. rock station, xFm (as shitty as it was), ottawa radio has spiralled into a heavy rotation of nickelback, the hip, and hillary duff. ok, so hillary's hot but it doesn't excuse her poor attempts at song-writing.. or acting for that matter.. but not's neither here or there. and as much as i love the hip, it's becoming increasingly clear that their tunes have become obligatory canadian filler to the constant repitition of the last 5 green day singles. let's be honest, we're very sick of green day by now. think hoobastank's the reason times 3.

just tuned in again. tool. you gotta be fuckin kidding me? tool hasn't been heard on ottawa radio since x, but more importantly hasn't been followed up by something as fresh as franz ferdinand, or my chemical romance, and then succeeded by hawksley workman's jealous of your cigarette. oh boi!

check it out yourself at 88.5 fm or live885.com for the streamline.

vote liberal

a young man named paul bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. the farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. when the farmer drove up the next day, he said, "sorry son, but I have some bad news...the donkey is on my truck, but he's dead."

paul replied, "well then, just give me my money back."

the farmer said, "I can't do that. I went and spent it already."

paul said, "ok then, just unload the donkey anyway".

the farmer asked, "what are ya gonna do with him?"

paul said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

to which the farmer exclaimed, "you can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

but paul, with a big smile on his face, said, "sure I can. watch me. I just won't tell anybody that he's dead."

a month later the farmer met up with Paul and asked, "what happened with that dead donkey?"

paul said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $698.00."

totally amazed, the farmer asked, "didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?"

and paul replied, "the only guy who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner, when he came to claim his prize. so I gave him his $2 back plus $200 extra, which is double the going value of a donkey, so he thought I was a great guy."

paul grew up and eventually became the prime minister of canada, and no matter how many times he lied or how much money he stole from canadian voters, as long as he gave them back some of the stolen money, most of them thought he was a great guy.

that'll do pig

some sex-starved cat i have. here is my good buddy merton hanks, just raping the hell out of a little stuffed pig we leave on the guestroom futon bed.

herein lies the proof behind my argument that merton should be free to wander outdoors, mostly in due part to find some tail.

first and foremost

some rules to follow: no capital letters, no holding back, and blog often. there, some house rules to keep myself in check. i really had no other way to start this blog journal, so i figured i would develop the framework for which my posts will be scripted through.

until today, the possibility of me actually writing something on one of these blog sites seemed laughable, if even plausible. so hell, why not surprise even myself by registering for this site. i figure it'll give me some retail space to channel my thoughts onto, something i've secretly been missing since i published those mass emails about my callow social happenings in university.

so here it is. and here i am. enjoy.